i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
