i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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