all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
