fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
