There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All the doctor said was why
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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