okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
