Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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