just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize