my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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