She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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