Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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