So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize