i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
