I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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