eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx