can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms