She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags