we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat