My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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