idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
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I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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