I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
