watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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