their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
