my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Randomize