hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
