i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
