I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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