suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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