I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
