my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
