so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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