you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
