Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need water and some morals
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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