I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize