you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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