It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You made out with two different species that night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
