I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she peed on how many people?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
