That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
