God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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