she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
