All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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