Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
