Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
