Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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