hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
