I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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