My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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