Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize