Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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