Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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