ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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