Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
