dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize